Writing in Crayon

It’s TMI Thursday!

TMI Thursday — live the horror, share the shame.

 See Lilu’s awesomely funny blog for more information on TMIT!

In honor of several girlfriends who are about to give birth any day now, I bring you the story of Lee.

Lee was in a family way, and started feeling contractions.  Since she’d had her first daughter very quickly, the doctor advised her to come in as soon as she started feeling contractions, so as to avoid an episiotomy.  In his words, “Anyone can clip and catch.”  So Lee headed to Labor and Delivery.

So labor proceeds nicely, and Lee, being of sound mind and body,  opts for an epidural. 

Now if you’ve ever given birth, you’ll know that they like to sort of let the epidural wear off towards the pushing stage, so that you can feel your contractions.  No such luck for Lee (or maybe it was GOOD luck!) and she couldn’t feel her contractions.  She did, however, feel as though she had to empty her bladder.

So Lee tells the obstetrician and attending nurses that she absolutely must pee.  They assured her that this pressure was just the contractions that she couldn’t otherwise feel and that the birth was rapidly approaching.  So Lee began pushing.  And pushing.  And pushing.  And then it happened.  You know how you always see obstetricians on A Baby Story and similar shows and he/she’s wearing safety goggles?  I always thought it was to prevent any blood or other birth fluids from getting in the eyes.  I was wrong.  It’s for the pee that women like Lee send flying in the doctor’s face.  Yep, she pissed on him.  Right in the face. 

So when someone says “I’m pissed off!” and another retorts “better than being pissed ON!”…Lee’s doctor can attest to the truth of this.